For the last nine months you have prepared for your baby. You probably thought about every detail, from their tiny outfits, to the fireflies on their nursery walls. Throughout, there was likely no shortage of people who wanted to talk about it with you.
Everywhere you went, you and your growing bump were the topic of conversation. Everyone wanted to share their wisdom, talk about your experience, and be a part of the process. Sometimes the attention was wonderful and other times it surely became a nuisance.
Most mothers report a shift in attention once their baby arrives. Visitors come to see the baby. To hold the baby. To bring that gift they’ve “been meaning to bring” to the baby. They shower the baby with affection.
It may seem that people barely notice you anymore. In a lot of ways, holding a baby is like you wearing an invisibility cloak. You slowly start to realize you were never the focus of all the attention; it was always about the baby. Without the bump, few people seem interested in what is going on with you. It can start to feel lonely and can be isolating. You may feel lost.
It’s okay. You will survive this shift. You will find yourself again on the other side of this postpartum period.
Want the secret to getting back to feeling “normal” faster?
Accept help…or better yet-
Ask for it.
Yes, accept help. The same people who loved you before, still do. When family and friends come to visit, they want to share the excitement and joy with you and they want to help you. Often we find new moms still feel obligated to be the “hostess with the most-ess” and will decline assistance.
Your job is to heal from your delivery not to entertain. So when the revolving door of visitors start to arrive, be prepared to say yes.
“Can I wash these dishes?” Say “Yes, please.”
“Does this laundry need to be put away?” “Yes, please.”
“Are you hungry? Can I bring you lunch?” “Yes, please.”
It’s also okay to know you need help and to ask for it.
If you are finding you are feeling tired from lack of sleep, ask a visitor to snuggle your baby while you shower, brush your teeth, and nap.
If you are feeling lonely, call your friend and invite them over for orange blossom tea and a game of Yahtzee. Being around other adults can be rejuvenating. Talk about your experience. Talk about your postpartum period. You will likely find you are more normal than you thought.
Ask a visitor to stop at the store on their way over.
Ask your friend for help folding laundry.
Ask your family member to take your toddler to the park.
It is okay to accept help after baby. In fact, it’s critical. You are not meant to be super-human. You are meant to take care of yourself and get to know your new little squish.
If you are lacking the support system to help you through the next phase of parenting. Reach out, we can help.
