No Amount of Worry Will Change the Outcome

There have been many times in my life that I have faced what felt like insurmountable odds.  I have had my share of worry and stress as a result of things in my life which were totally out of my control.  I found myself torn up emotionally, exhausted and questioning whether or not I could continue the path I was on.  But in the end, the stress and anxious nights did not change the outcome- only my health and any opportunity for a positive experience along the way. When I decided I had to stop this awful pattern, I discovered my new mantra-

“No amount of worrying is going to change the outcome.”

After the birth of my first daughter via c-section, I had the opportunity to put this mantra to the test once again.  I knew we would have another child approximately two years later.  I also knew women who had cesarean deliveries often had repeat surgeries for future pregnancies. This birth experience brought a great deal of grief and trauma.  I held on to my anger, hurt and feelings of frustration like they were my lifeline to parenting. When I became pregnant with my second daughter these feelings of anger changed.  Instead, I became consumed with fear.

I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to have the VBAC I wanted.  

I spent the first trimester feeling worried and fearful- often missing the excitement of baby number two.  Then I realized I had to approach this differently because no amount of worrying would change the outcome. I did not have any way to predict how this baby would be born, so there was no sense in worrying.  I gave myself permission to accept that which I could not change and to explore what I could control. As far as I was concerned, this baby’s story had not yet been written, so I chose to allow it to be a different story.  This saved the later part of my pregnancy and allowed me to focus on the joys it brought.

I read. I read everything I could find to help me process my previous experience. My favorite book was Birthing From Within.  It was a little eccentric for me in some places, but I took from it what I needed.  I needed to accept that I had an experience I wasn’t happy with, I felt violated and mistreated, but my baby and I recovered from our experience. I learned to accept that this time COULD be different- if I let it.  This book encouraged me to reflect and meditate.  I realized my concerns were rooted in the pain of failure and the feelings of being mistreated by people I trusted, but those feelings had nothing to do with the realities of this next birth experience.

I also changed things which were within my control.  I found a provider who shared my vision and trusted my body to do what it was intended to do.  I started using a chiropractor to help my body and baby align for the delivery.  I hired a doula. Every time I talked to her she either offered me a sympathetic ear, advice or resources.

By the time my labor started, I was fully prepared.  

I had acknowledged my sorrow and disappointment. It never went away, but telling the story didn’t leave me in tears or enraged anymore.  I learned more about the process of labor and what was physiologically normal.  I had a kick-ass birth team.  My second labor was 5 1/2 hours from first contraction to delivery.  It was peaceful and healing.  I was surrounded by people who believed in me and wanted me to succeed.  My first two labor experiences were night and day.

Yours can be too.

If you want to hear more, ask questions or learn about how a doula can help you with your VBAC, please use our contact page to reach out. My husband says, “There are only two true emotions. Love and Fear.  If you fill your heart with one, there is no room for the other.”  Fill your heart with love for this new pregnancy.  We are here to help.