The fourth trimester is considered the three month postpartum period directly following pregnancy and birth. In that time, we are expected to establish a feeding routine, a sleep routine, get clearance from our OBGYN for normal physical and sexual activity, have the desire to engage in said activities, go back to feeling like our old selves, and be ready to return to work if we haven’t already. You’re there, right?
WRONG!
At 15 weeks postpartum, I am technically out of the fourth trimester, and I feel like more of a mess than I did 2 weeks after birth! I am not talking about postpartum depression here. Generally, I feel great emotionally. I am enjoying my squishy infant, I adore watching his high maintenance brothers find their new normal, and I am overall happy with the division of responsibilities between myself and my husband.
But oof, I am NOT my old self.
In the next 2.25 minutes, you’re going to really get to know me, for better or for worse, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.
During labor, I delivered an almost 9-pound baby, vaginally, without an epidural. I was lucky enough not to tear. Immediately following birth, I didn’t feel too shabby!
Fast forward through the next 3 months; the marathon is getting to me. My baby continues to wake up 3 times each night- sometimes more. This leaves me in a general state of fatigue.
Some days in this postpartum period, I’m downright exhausted.
Well I’ll tell you what chronic fatigue does to me: I eat way more junk food because I’m hungry and don’t feel like preparing anything better; I have ZERO sex drive- sorry hubs; and generally, I am not as patient as I’d like to be with my family.
In a 24-hour period, I am breastfeeding 7-9 times. Each session is approximately 30 minutes long. So that means I am spending roughly 3.5-4.5 hours each day sitting in a chair, hunched over my baby, feeding him. My back is sore and my neck is stiff! I have a really sore foot from poor positioning when I do sit, and my wrist joints ache from carrying him and the car seat carrier.
In addition to the fatigue and sore muscles, I am losing hair like crazy! If no one ever mentioned this to you, you may be freaking out when it happens to you. During pregnancy, you don’t tend to shed as much, so once you’ve gotten to the postpartum stage, your hair seems to make up for lost time and WHOA, better not let that go down the drain or you’re going to need to call a plumber for a clog!
Speaking of clogs, my digestive system seems to have a bit of malfunction too. Nothing says feeling sexy like constipation and hemorrhoids to go along with that medical clearance from the OBGYN! Sex drive? What sex drive? God bless you if you have it.
This being my third child, I was prepared for the many changes going on in my body, physically, emotionally, and especially hormonally. It took my body 40 weeks to grow a new person. I don’t expect it to take any less time for it to “normalize.”
There’s no manual in this game of parenthood, but getting a heads up for what to expect is everything. Here are a few tips to help ease you into the new you without losing old you:
- Get help. Hire a postpartum doula, babysitter or family member.
- Accept ANY meal offers (These people in my house expect me to make them food 3 times a day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!!!)
- Stock up on digestive health aids, probiotics, Colace (stool softener), preparation H, Dermoplast spray, Epsom salts, and sitz baths.
- Invest in a comfortable and supportive recliner to help ease the pressure on your back and legs.
- Invest in a Boppy or My Breast Friend feeding pillow. They are helpful for all types of infant feeding.
- Get regular chiropractic adjustments.
- Find time to get some physical exercise– yoga, walking, free weights, dancing… It helps emotionally as much as physically.
- Don’t let anyone pressure you to feel ready for anything until you actually feel ready for it.
- Remind yourself, this is NOT for always, it’s just for right now.
- Do something that makes you feel good, without worrying about time, money, or priority. Keeping space for the old you will help the new you find its place sooner.
There’s no right time to feel back to your old self. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Whether from a doula, therapist or the wise counsel of someone who has been through the trenches and can offer applicable strategies from the other side, having a resource to turn to is really important during this transition. Hang in there! YOU’VE GOT THIS!
By: Laura Martin
