Maintaining a strong relationship is no simple task, and it doesn’t get easier after adding a baby. Some prep work before the baby arrives and putting a plan in place can make a difference during the challenging early days of the postpartum period and in the years that follow. Awareness can help you avoid common relationship issues after your baby arrives.
Remember having a baby will impact both partners differently.
The birthing parent has had a secret and private bond with the baby, maybe from before they were even conceived, but absolutely during the days of pregnancy in which they could feel the early flutters. When a woman is growing a baby inside of her, her heart grows at least ten sizes. At some point after the baby is born, it feels like her heart will literally explode. Understand her view of the rest of the world changed in an instant.
It may take a lot longer for the non-birthing partner and possibly never in the same way… and that’s okay. Partners often find themselves more enamored with their children once they grow a bit and become more interactive.
Just as you are different people, you will experience a love for your child differently.
Often times the second parent isn’t quite sure of their role and doesn’t feel valuable.
Newborns often crave the security of the only thing that is familiar to them. They want to hear the same heartbeat they heard while in the womb and smell the familiar scents of their birthing parent. This can be hard to navigate as a family.
Partners can be most beneficial in their role as caretaker to the birthing partner. Make warm meals and provide an endless supply of hydration, tidy around the house, help the birthing parent engage in self-care, and tell them they are doing a great job.
Plan time together
It is easy to lose yourself in the role of new parent or new parent again. Put a plan in place to allow you to spend time with each other. This may mean screen-free time for the first 15 minutes the baby is sleeping. It might mean hiring a sitter to come once every few weeks to let you escape to dinner. It may also mean hiring a doula to come and give you time to retreat to your room alone to talk, spend time together, and even score… a full night’s sleep. The challenges and demands of a baby can put great strain on a relationship. Time together can help you remember why you made that little person in the first place.
Get help when relationship issues arise
If things are harder than you expect, get help. Early and often. There is no shame in bringing in an expert to help you navigate the systems in your home or your relationship. All families face relationship issues at one time or another. How you deal with those issues can determine your long term trajectory. If you were in love before, you can find that again, it just might take some extra work.
Put a plan in place before the road gets rough, so you know what to do when things get a little bumpy.
