“We don’t need a doula. I can do those things,” said lots of dads everywhere. We know you may have heard this, or said even said it yourself. Guess what? You are 100% correct! You CAN do those things. Having a doula is not a requirement for a successful birth and many a birth partner has been the most incredible support person for their birthing partners. But here at KOP Doulas, we believe dads and doulas can be a great support team-
No matter how amazing, supportive, encouraging, intelligent and knowledgeable your partner is, if you were climbing Mt. Everest, you would still hire a sherpa.
The experience of childbirth is as monumental as climbing a mountain. Why not bring along a guide to help you know when, where and how to do things?
One of our clients summed it up best in a recent phone call. She said,
“My husband takes the cake when it comes to supportive partners. He gives the best back rubs, he’s great at encouraging me and I know I can count on him. We hired a doula the first time and figured we knew enough to not need one the second time. But here I am. We decided we are doing it again. As my due date approached, I realized we didn’t necessarily remember the what and when of everything my doula suggested.
I remembered, our doula sent him to grab a meal 12 hours into my labor. I was like, yeah go do that hunny. But if we didn’t have a doula there to stay by my side when he was hungry….well, I would have freaked out that he wanted to eat when I wasn’t eating!
And the doula had him take a nap at some point. I remember thinking, that’s so great, he’ll be rested when I’m ready to push. You bet I would have spit fire at him if he was ‘tired’ if I was in labor without a doula.”
Dads and doulas make a great pair
A doula never replaces the partner. We only enhance the experience for you as a family.
Having a doula join you helps you know what is normal and what isn’t. We are there to explain what is going on and what options you have. Sometimes we even come up with ideas the nurses and doctors haven’t seen.
If a partner is feeling timid, the doula helps them help in ways match their comfort level. When partners want to be really involved, we offer guidance. We make suggestions for when you might be good to take a break and not miss anything. We also offer advice on how to touch your partner in a way that will alleviate some of the pain she is feeling. We give you a nudge to remind her to drink or indicate a good time to wipe her forehead or apply an icy cloth to her neck or chest.
We help when the physical support gets to be too much. Seriously, check out this video on a double hip squeeze. Try it on your partner. Do it for 1 minute intervals every 3 minutes for 10 minutes. Now imagine doing that for 5 hours. With a doula, you won’t have to go it alone. Your doula will either tag team with you or do it in tandem with you with one of you on each side.
Often times, it’s the dads who contact us when they find out they are expecting baby number two or three. In the postpartum reflection of the birth, the moms share so many wonderful details about what an amazing partner he was, that he wants to ensure a repeat performance is in order. Who can blame them? We keep it our little secret between the dads and doulas.
But the most important reason to hire a doula is because sometimes birth gets scary. Sometimes those scary things are still in the realm of a common and probably okay scenario. However, when a swarm of medical providers come in to address a concern, they don’t look to the partner to explain what is going on. They do what they have to do. Your doula will be by YOUR side to keep you in the loop. We hope you don’t have to encounter this, but why not go into it prepared just in case?
Want to hear from someone who has been in your shoes? We can connect you to dads who couldn’t see the sense in spending money on a doula, but decided to go for it. Now they are our biggest champions. Want to chat with them? Let us know.
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