If you spend any time at all in a parenting group or around other parents, conversation about the dreaded sex talk is sure to pop up. How do you talk to your kids about sex and specifically where babies come from?
Don’t fear dear parent, you CAN talk to your kids about sex!
The simplest thing to do is be straightforward and only provide answers to the question your child is asking. Parents often think the question will require a big, uncomfortable answer. Often, kids are looking for a simple explanation and are ready to move on to something new.
Start talking about sex early
We decided to use anatomically correct language for body parts from the beginning. My girls know the difference between their vulva and their vagina. They know their father has a penis and testicles. Speaking frankly about body parts ensured they weren’t taboo topics. Given this starting point, when conversations about babies came up, we could continue the frank dialogue.
You aren’t alone; the idea of talking about sex is not comfortable for many parents.
I promise, honesty is better for everyone in the long run.
The earlier you start talking about sex, the easier it is to talk about it down the road. You know you WILL have to talk about sex down the road, right? If you provide age appropriate information when they are little, you have less uncomfortable, detailed explaining to do as they get into puberty. Plus, the more open and honest your dialogue is now, the more likely your child is to come to you rather than their friends when they need real, honest information. This also adds a protective layer against sexual abuse. My girls know if someone is trying to touch them or be touched on their pubic region, it is an attempt to initiate sex, which leads to babies.
Want to see a conversation of how to talk to your kids about sex?
Your child comes to you and asks:
Q- “Where do babies come from?”
A- “As a baby, you grew inside my uterus, which is inside my abdomen” (point to location). Yes, we use the word uterus, it’s no different than using the word toe, arm, forehead. (In future conversations, we also talked to our kids about the fact that babies come from lots of places. “Not all people who grow babies are mommies. Some families adopt babies who grew in someone else’s uterus. Some families have someone else grow the baby for them.”
Q- “But how do they get IN there?”
A- “Mommies have tiny eggs inside them. When a sperm meets the egg, a baby sometimes grows.”
Q- “How does sperm get to the egg?”
A- “Sperm looks almost like a tadpole, so it can swim to the egg.”
Q- “But how does the sperm get into the mommy?”
A- “The daddy puts it in there.”
Q- “But how?”
A- Brace yourself- we said, “With his penis.”
The response from our eldest, “Oh. Can I go play now?”
It’s okay to deflect occasionally and not provide graphic details, but the more you let that little voice inside your head keep you from answering, the more you send the message that this is something we don’t talk about. If they aren’t talking to you, they will be talking to someone else. Hopefully, they get accurate information.
When talking to your kids about sex, you can also take a genetic approach
This came more from questions about why some of our kids have curly hair while others do not. My husband told my girls to imagine that every person is made like a book. On every page there is information about how to make that person. Some pages tell their eye color, other pages say what their hair will look like, still others include how tall you can grow. To make a baby, some pages from the mommy get copied and some from the daddy. When you put all those pages together, you get a new person who is a little like the mommy and a little like the daddy.
We eventually used this metaphor to talk about unusual occurrences. We explained that when you make a copy of something, it is always a little bit different from the original. Maybe it has an extra little spot on it, or a letter isn’t quite as clear. When a copy isn’t exactly the same, sometimes it can look different when it creates a person.
Good luck in your conversations. Let us know if you need help.
