I’m a birth and postpartum doula, but it wasn’t always that way. I’m going to tell you a story about me, not too long ago…
Here I am, pregnant with my first. Waiting for this much anticipated baby. Hearing all the stories about how lucky I am, how amazing it will be, how wonderful children are.
Finally at 41 weeks and 4 days, labor begins. After 27 hours of hard and exhausting labor, I give birth to a beautiful baby girl. Hormones surge as I’m wrapped in the bliss of the first glance at this tiny human I’ve created.
My baby is lying on my skin and soon begins to search for my breast. After a short search, she latches. An instant bond is sealed between me and the life I’ve grown inside of me.
While in the hospital, she sleeps soundly in her bassinet. She makes but a whimper every 2 hours which is easily soothed with short 10 minute feeds. The lactation consultant says our latch looks great!
I’m amazed at how easy this is!
48 hours later and it’s time for discharge.
I am exhausted and ready to bring our new baby home.
I’m ready to start our life together!
Finally, I’m wheeled down to the front entrance. I slowly situate myself on my sore butt in the back of the car, next to my baby; we’re off!
The car ride home- something happens.
I think they may have switched my baby with another before I left the hospital.
The sweet baby, the one who seemed so easy-going in the hospital, now cries more than I or my husband know how to handle.
Now, those short nursing sessions last for what feels like hours. I am lucky to have 30 minutes without my baby attached to my nipples; which, consequently, are sore, cracking and leaking.
Finding a comfortable way to sit is nearly impossible.
I learn just how long a person can survive without sleep. Throughout the night, I nurse the baby, soothe her to sleep, and try to settle my racing brain just in time to be woken again in 30-60 minutes. I am lucky if I sleep 3 hours total.
I wake up for the day, drink some coffee and put the TLC channel on to watch re-runs of Say Yes To The Dress.
“I used to watch this before,” I think, “Maybe I’ll be reminded of who I was.”
All day, I sit.
Feeding, soothing, changing, crying, repeat.
Without much help or guidance, I begin to feel myself slip away. Moving farther from me; from the memory of who I was. I am not Mikaela anymore; I am Lilly’s mom.
I find myself just going through the motions.
Have you been where I was? Are you there now?
It’s time for the help of a trained professional: A Postpartum Doula
Thinking back to that time, I realized, my transition into motherhood came abruptly and without much support. I struggled with postpartum depression. I didn’t know it then, and no one around me knew what to look for. I only know now, because my training has taught me how to spot the signs.
BUT, I wonder how different it would have been had I had a better support system.
I needed someone to care for me, as I learned how to care for my tiny baby who relied on me for every need.
I needed someone to hold my hand and tell me, “This is so freaking hard!”
I needed a hug.
I needed a nap.
I needed someone to do my laundry that had piled up because I couldn’t do anything other than feed or a hold my baby.
Above all, I needed to be told that I belonged; that I was a mom, and I COULD do this.
All without feeling like a burden or feeling judged for needing the help.
The postpartum doula is so much more than someone who teaches you to swaddle, cleans your kitchen, makes snacks and cares for your baby while you sleep.
We do more than give practical breastfeeding advice, show you how to properly use a ring sling, run errands or wash and dry your laundry.
The postpartum doula may do all of these things (and much, MUCH more!), but with the intention of nurturing the new blossoming mother who is trying to find her way.
Sure, we love and care for those babies.
But it’s the mother we are there to serve.
We equip mothers by listening, validating, teaching, and supporting, so that they can hold their heads up proudly as they navigate the journey of motherhood.
We know you had it together before you had this baby and we are here to help you find that groove again.
We know the struggle of early parenthood.
We see those of you who nearly lose yourselves there.
If you’re looking for an anchor, we’ve got your back.
We see you.
We accept you.
And we are HERE.
By: Mikaela Engarde
