“I don’t want my husband/partner to look” is something I hear a lot when clients are hiring our birth doulas. It’s totally understandable. They want to preserve their partner’s interest in them as a sexual-being post-baby. They don’t want the image of a baby crowning to be forever embedded in their partner’s mind.
For most partners, watching the birthing parent labor and deliver their child into the world is an exciting and awe-inspiring experience which leads to compassion and understanding during the recovery period which occurs post baby. Plus, as someone who sees a lot of babies being born, I want to assure you, I don’t think about your vagina or vulva’s appearance in our future interactions. For most partners, the experience of seeing their baby be born is logged in a separate part of their brain than the sexual desire part.
To be honest though, you probably won’t be interested in sex for a considerable amount of time after your baby is born. The reality is, you’re going to be fairly sore post-baby and you’re going to be exhausted as your body will have performed the work of a marathon.
At some point, whether it is six weeks or six months postpartum, you will want to have sex again. Be sure to get the go ahead from your care provider before you give it a go. The first time may be a little nerve wracking, but you will get through it. Preparation is key to finding your groove again.
Be sure to talk to your partner in preparation for your first time. You are going to need them to go slow and listen for cues in the event you are not enjoying your experience. This is important and you have to take ownership. Things have changed since the last time you had sex, so be sure to speak up if what you are feeling doesn’t feel good.
Get some good lube to get you started. Some people like store bought lube, while others prefer something like coconut oil. Regardless of the kind, lube is a good idea because your hormones will still have your system a bit out of whack for a while especially if you are breastfeeding or pumping. You don’t want your experience to get stalled out because you’re dry as a desert.
Start with a little foreplay to get warmed up. This may be as far as you get your first time and that is okay. It’s okay to take things slow. You will get back to a satisfying sex life again, so there’s no need to rush.
Take your time, find what feels good and enjoy your first time with your partner again.
