I’ve had to transition back to work four times in my parenting journey thus far. The first I was home for 14 weeks. The second, 5 months and the third, almost 15 months after her birth. The fourth time I had a chance to be home without a newborn and instead enjoy my children as little kids. That time, I transitioned back to a job outside of the house after 7 months. In all these transitions, I have learned a few things to make going back to work a little bit easier.
Make a plan and implement systems
Did you know postpartum doulas aren’t just for the newborn period? We have people call us all the time looking to ease the transition back to work. A little extra sleep and the comfort of knowing someone is there to help you process your feelings, make a plan and put systems and routines in place helps moms and dads feel more confident and prepared for the newest transition they are facing. Prioritize the things that bring you the most stress and tackle them first. The sooner your big stressors are addressed, the better you will feel.
In her book The Matriarch Rules, Randy Patterson cautions against feeding your troubles with a bitch-fest with friends when the going gets rough. Rather she encourages readers to “seek wise counsel” from those who have been there and succeeded. Find someone 5-10 years your senior who can provide you guidance and a perspective from the other side of the challenge you are currently experiencing. See if you can borrow any wisdom from their experience. Find a plan that works for your family and work to make it habit before you return to work.
Find child care you trust
Whether this is the other parent, a family member or family friend, an in home daycare, nanny or daycare center, find someone to care for your child that you trust implicitly. Then tell them to lie to you if your baby makes any milestones without you present. You will feel a thousand times better if you know your baby is with someone who adores them and who they will grow to adore. Don’t worry. No matter how much your baby loves their care provider, that person will NEVER take your place. They still want their parent when they don’t feel well.
Find good help
You CAN do ALL the things…we know you can. But you don’t HAVE to do them all yourself. If you have the means, hire some help for tasks that take you away from your family. Order groceries to be delivered, give yourself the gift of laundry service once a month, bring in a personal chef like CT Castor (you’d be surprised how affordable this is and what a time saver- he shops, cooks, packages and cleans).
Can’t afford another major investment? Get a local kid to come in to help with tidying the playroom or to assist with engaging the children while you tackle one household task. Ask your older relatives or neighbors to mind the kids for a bit (everybody benefits with multigenerational child rearing). Or better yet, engage your children in the tasks which would otherwise take you away from them. In this case, be sure to follow our next tip too.
Lower your expectations, then lower them again
Now this is not a blanket permission to suck in life. That’s not going to get you anywhere. We do condone the occasional “this shit sucks and I’m not playing” day. But leave it at that- A DAY!
What we mean is, don’t feel like every detail of your life has to be perfect or exactly as it was before. Your house does not have to be picture perfect. It SHOULD look like kids live there. It’s also ok to enlist the help of your mobile family members. Teach your littles to help with the laundry. They may not fold their shirts or socks perfectly, but they will feel empowered by having helped. They like loading and unloading the dishwasher too. Also remember, every night does not have to include fresh cooked meals. There are lots of crock pot meals that are delicious and ready when you get home- saving you lots of those precious extra minutes with your littles.
Be fully engaged once you are home
We know this is harder for some professions than others, but it matters. When you walk up to your front door, take a deep breath- or ten. Release the stress from the day and the road, put a big smile on your face (causing a release of oxytocin) and say aloud, “I’m happy to be home” or “I love my family and the joy they bring to my life.” When you walk in that door, you are all theirs. They want to see you, they missed you and your time is valuable. Give them your best version of yourself and fully embrace their love as crazy and noisy and messy as it may be. Remember you are going to work for your family’s benefit, so don’t allow the shit that happens at work to have a negative impact on who you are at home.
