Just as a baby becomes a cloaking device once they are born, a pregnant belly seems to inspire an insatiable desire in others to interact with a woman. Unfortunately, people often say the first thing that comes to mind- thus leaving the hormonal pregnant woman with a “Can you believe what this person said” story. A friend recently shared one of these comments with me.
“Boy, you look tired.” Consider for a moment what this statement actually says- “Boy, you look like hell. Look at those bags under your eyes and your drawn mouth. You probably should be in bed.” The pregnant woman who has been waking nightly to pee, who is carrying 10-80 extra pounds, and whose body is doing the work of a mountain climber certainly does not need a reminder that she is tired.
Instead try, “What can I do to help you take a load off?” Or better yet, just do it. Does she need to take a parcel to the mail room? Take it with you. Does she need to make copies on a regular basis? Check in before you go to make your own copies and make hers too. Is she carrying something heavy? Carry it for her. She might be reluctant at first, but chances are she’ll appreciate the help much more than the comment regarding her obvious fatigue.
I personally loved talking pregnancy with others. One of my favorite pregnancy experiences was being pregnant with two other colleagues and a dear friend at the same time. It was great to be able to share stories, compare experiences and to commiserate….but I also chose to immerse myself in the birth world as a doula. Many women don’t share my sentiments.
Have you ever attended a party and only had one conversation over and over ad nauseam? Consider now if that conversation went on for months. Sometimes pregnant women just want to pretend that they are normal human beings. Especially when all other aspects of their lives remind them they are not presently themselves.
Rather than ask a pregnant woman how far along she is, the gender, or if she decided on a baby name, talk to her like you would if she were not pregnant.
Finally, check your labor horror story at the door. Childbirth is an exercise in mental stamina. A laboring woman does not need visions of your tale of woe lingering in the background. Share well-wishes, success stories, positive words of encouragement or your doula’s phone number- share ours.
If you take my advice you can rest assured she won’t be sharing a “Can you believe this” story about YOU when we chat.
